A lot of real, and intense things have been happening in my life lately. There has been some major messups in the past weeks, but we will leave that for the secret corridors of my mind where hey can drive me crazy me and tell me I look fat in those pants. Instead I am going to write about theology. That is my major, and also a subject that leaves me with wonderful, haunting and real questions. I met up with a fancy lady yesterday, Erin Beary, who works at Campus Ministry at Seattle University. We sat and had a great theological/religious debate. Just like they used to do back in Jesus' time-but without the crucifying or feet washing or general weird smells that were probably pretty prevalent in the ancient Mediterranean. We did on the other hand exorcise seven demons out of Erin, but that's a different story.
So here are some of the questions we debated:
I recently have read this article by a priest named Michael Himes- a great article. He talks about God in terms of this Greek word agape. Which most closely means "self-gift." God is this "self-gift" love, a type of love that asks for nothing in return. He writes (referencing the Gospels), "Rather, it says that God is love. Love, however, is not the name of a person or an agent, but of a relationship. It is more like an action than an agent." So God is love? I believe in love. Do I therefore believe in God? No, it's a trick. And modern theologians do this all time. They say God is love, and then they kind of say this love is shown through the relationship of Father-Son-Holy Spirit. (Which is way harder to understand). But theologians use this idea of love to explain everything-which actually sounds pretty great sometimes.
Himes writes:
If that is true then it is also the answer to that whopping good question that students seem so often to ask and that Martin Heidegger maintained was the origin of metaphysics: why is there being rather than nothing? The Christian response to that question is based on its fundamental claim about the Mystery that lies at the heart of all that exists. Christianity answers that the reason that there is something rather than nothing is that it is loved. All that exists is loved into being. All that exists, everything as well as everyone.
And this sounds good- so good in fact, that it makes me think I believe in this God. But just for a second. Then I remember what they are asking me to believe. That something, be it love, created the world, and has the power to do that. It has some sort of conscience and actively created the world. And as much as they can try to take away the personal elements of God-it is fundamental to Christianity, Judaism and Islam as well. God is personal: God talks, listens, and does tangible things according to believers. They use personal pronouns: him, or he to describe God. That to me, is waaaaay different than the action of love. What they believe in is a divine personal being, up in heaven: creating, watching, deciding.
I cannot deny however that I do believe there is a force in the world, a connecting force..maybe from the sheer fact that we all are made from the same matter. We have the same parts inside us, we all were once part of a star. But that does not mean that there is a unifying, controlling, knowing divinity orchestrating our world. It is cool to believe that you tapped into that when you wished (prayed) for rain, for your grandma to get better , or for your girlfriend not to leave. But the fact is, that way of thinking is very dangerous theologically. Why would God help you do that double-axel at the Olympics but allow thousands of people to die in Haiti? Does God love ice-skating more than Haitians?
What about when I read tarot, or want to still believe there are fairies in secret gardens? It is hard to give up the idea of magic. That something or someone can bend Newton's laws of motion and gravity. That time can stop, that horses can fly, and things we have never seen happen, happen. I am a college, soon to be graduate. I can not be logical in all my other thinking,... and then some how think I have the ability to predict the future. (Which I kind of think I can ..hmm does Miss Cleo ring a bell?)
YET the world is freeing and wonderful when God does not exist. There is no big brother watching and judging your moves, there is no conflict with science in terms of things being made versus evolving, and you do not have to worry about the question of evil... God is not letting evil things happen, because there is no God.
The world is still growing and evolving. There are earthquakes and tsunamis. We screw up the planet and it reacts, it is living and breathing. God will NOT come down and save us all at the last minute. We can create real change through our own actions and thoughts-not through waiting for God to help us. There is no second coming of Christ, we do not have to repent for God's sake..there is no purgatory, heaven or hell. But there is love, and it is transformative, wonderful, healing, fragile, and tough as nails. Love is my god, God is not love. And that is the difference.
